Omens

Explosions had ripped along my spine, jerking me around like a rag doll. Something was building up inside my chest, ready to erupt. Some part of my head knew that this would kill anything in it's path, but I had no control. Like being a bystander while watching a horrible accident as you take in every minute detail in the span of several seconds.
Something soft pressed against my lips and I was stunned by the feeling. It felt like the first touch I had ever received. A subtle pulling at my mind had the energies draining away. My lips moved on their own, though only slightly. A mas pulled away from me, and I blinked to try and comprehend what I was seeing.
A familiar face was looking down at me, a shock of blond hair sticking up at odd angles. Light amber eyes searched my face. A part of me seemed to click back into place. Demaren.
My heart weakly fluttered. I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw my arms up and hug him. I wanted to kiss him. Shout for joy. Tell him how I had missed him... But I was suddenly aware that my body felt dead. My arms only twitched in response when I tried to reach up and touch his face. As it was, I only managed to flex my fingers which lay over his arm.
"Demaren." I forced his name over my lips, trying to put all the feeling in my voice for the things I couldn't say. All will slipped out of me as if it were water in a sieve. My eyes closed in what seemed like the first time in an eternity and I drifted away.
I didn't know how long ago that was.
Dreaming meshed with daylight and swirled around my head so that I didn't know which was real and what was illusion. Darkness and whispers and dizzying winds raked over me. The only steady thing was Demaren. I couldn't be sure if he was a figment of my dreams too, but his voice, his face, his firm touch gave me something to anchor against.
Soft things were often pressed to my lips. Liquids, skin and cloth, feathers and lips. Sometimes I couldn't tell one from the other.
After drifting forever, a steady sound caught my attention. Water meeting wood. Or maybe it was just images in my head sloshing around.
My eyes cracked and were immediately stung by a piercing light. Despair flooded through me and I shut my eyes tight. Was I still in the white room? A small sound passed my lips. Something, a hand, brushed my bangs from my forehead.
Opening slowly, my eyes found not the strange, hard glowing lamps of an Eryn building but the sun directly over head in a light blue sky. Turning my head to the side, I blinked to clear the after image and found Demaren gazing at me steadily from where he sat at my left. His arms were crossed over his bare chest, feet folded up under him where he rested against a low wooden wall.
"Demaren?" my voice cracked sharply, like I hadn't talked in days. I licked my lips.
He looked serious, a wing ruffling a little before settling back into place. "Are you awake?"
"Yes?" I said, feeling slightly unsure. I would have to be awake or this was a very vivid dream.
"How do you feel?" he continued, leaning forward now and placing a hand on my head.
I relished the touch before he took it away. "Great...." I croaked.
Demaren's mouth twitched at the corner. "Well, that's not what is generally expected from someone who had cracked ribs, malnutrition, and couldn't keep her body temperature at a steady level."
I ignored this comment.
"Where are we?" I asked. I glanced around, noting the small pallet I lay on under a thick quilt and wearing a long sleeved night gown I had never seen before.
"We're on Jeron's boat. The Noon Day."
Something stirred in my memory. "Is Lia here?"
Demaren started. "Who?"
"Lia. The little girl..."
"How do you know Lia?" he asked, eyeing me curiously.
"Larii mentioned her, before... before I got to the City of the Eye."
"Oh," Demaren frowned at the mention of Eryn's capital city. "They're below deck."
"How did we get here?" I asked suddenly. "The sea is no where near the Eye."
Demaren paused, looking at me with an expression I couldn't place. "Don't you remember?"
Now I frowned. "Should I?"
Demaren ran a hand through his hair. "You were asleep most of the time, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Still, I was hoping for something..."
"It's all like dreams. I don't know what is real and what is not. How long have I been asleep?" I asked quietly. Surely I must have been gone a long time.
"Well, it's been six days since we retrieved you, and you were in and out of consciousness for the first three days. But after that, you were completely out."
I blinked. "It feels like longer," I stretched my legs a little. "Like I've been asleep forever."
He looked down at me with a dark sadness clouding his eyes. "I know how you feel."
With only a slight effort, I reached and took hold of the hand that rested on the pallet next to me.
"What do you remember?" he asked suddenly, his eyes intent and darkly flashing into mine.
"Er. Well," I thought for a moment, taken aback by his expression. "I remember you. Before there were just waves and light. But then you were there. I think. I thought you might be a dream and was afraid to wake up..."
Demaren's expression was guarded. "That wasn't a dream. Anything else coming to mind?"
I looked away and bit my lip to think, the sensation bringing something to the forefront of my mind. My free hand rose to lightly touch my lips. The flutter of a memory stirred.
"If I have to eat anymore mushy I'll be sick," I stated flatly.
Demaren blinked then gave a little laugh. Frustrated. "Not if I have anything to say about it, but we'll talk to Sam."
"The other--" I was confused by the unfamiliar name, "Wait. Who?"
"Me," said an Erynese boy, coming up and sitting next to me.
Startled by his sudden appearance, I flinched. His short blond hair shone in the sun as he smiled politely down at me.
"Don't worry. I will not urt you," he said, his accent heavy.
"Samil's been a big help with you and your unconsciousness," Demaren clarified.
The boy's hands were prodding at me. His touch was gentle but clinical, as he rested his hand against my forehead and the pulse at my throat.
"I ave medical training," he said conversationally as he worked.
"Aren't you a little young?" I asked, eyeing a little, round metal device attached to two tubes he was pulling out of a bag.
He stopped what he was doing and frowned at me. "Wy does everyone say tat? I'm not tat young."
I glanced at Demaren, who was holding back a small smile. Samil continued his inspections, placing the tubes attached to the metal thing into his ears. He blew his breath on the flat part of the metal and leaned in to place it on my chest just below my collar bone. He seemed to listen for a moment then moved the object to the right and left before starting to move it down...
"Hey!" I squeaked, trying to shy away from him and moving my arms across my chest.
Samil looked quizzically at me for a moment, then extremely embarrassed.
"It's for listening to the eart, not wat you tink!"
I eyed him suspiciously. "My heart is fine, thanks."
Demaren furrowed his eyebrows at me. "Ashling..."
"No, it's alrit," Samil sighed. "Se is doing better," he smiled at me, "would you like some brot?"
I stared, wondering what 'brot' was until I replaced the 'h,' "Oh! Broth. Yes, please."
Sam nodded, ignoring my trouble with his accent and went down the stairs.
I looked back at Demaren triumphantly, "Ha! Broth!"
He smiled weakly, his lips pressed together in a thin line. My heart seemed to stutter at his expression. Maybe I had been wrong about it being fine and Samil should come back and check.
"What's wrong?" I whispered, moving my hand back to try and grasp his. He moved a little out of reach. My hand fell back to the blankets, my throat constricting.
Some commotion came from the stairwell Samil had disappeared into, making us look over. Larii was bounding up through the deck, circling Samil who seemed to be concentrating hard on not spilling the bowl between his hands. Following them came a little girl with red, curly hair, babbling in a dialect I didn't know.
"I am trying not to spill!" Sam said.
Larii scooped the little girl--I could only assume she was Lia--and tumbled playfully across the deck with her. They both laughed all the way.
After them came the huge lunking form of an avery...
"Oh," I said, surprised to see a creature from the Veil. The noise I made seemed to attract it's attention and it padded over with the grace of a giant cat.
"Can you sit up?" Sam was asking, he had knelt beside me with the bowl in his hands, but I only stared at the avery that came up to rest behind him.
It stretched it's long neck over Sam, it's big completely blue eyes level with mine. Tentatively, I reached out a hand. The avery's nose (or where a nose should be) came to meet my hand and I patted it's soft, buttery skin.
"You're the avery from the forest..." I said to the creature, suddenly very sure of myself.
The avery pulled it's head back slightly, cocking it's head like it was surprised. It looked at Demaren for a moment then turned back to me.
"Essentially... He's surprised you remember him," Demaren said.
"You'd be hard to forget," I told the avery. Then I looked at Demaren, "You can hear him?"
Demaren's head quirked to the side as he nodded.
"I guess I'm not the only one hearing voices," I murmured, patting the avery's 'nose' again.
Samil was patiently waiting with the bowl, I struggled to my elbows and made it to a seated position. I smiled to myself, proud with the small achievement. I felt a sheen of sweat dampen my forehead and I puffed a little; out of the corner of my eye Demaren watched me cautiously. Maybe he was still worried about me. Putting on my best smile, I took the spoon Sam guided toward my mouth.
"I got it," I said. He returned the smile and placed the bowl in my lap.
The avery had gone over to sit by the mast. I took a sip of broth, surprised by how delicious it tasted.
"Does he have a name?" I asked, still eyeing the avery. Lia was now running circles around him in an attempt to evade Larii.
"Ponce," Demaren told me.
"'Ave you seen one before?" Sam asked.
"Once," I replied, looking at Demaren to see if he had told the Erynese the story. But Demaren was brushing some non-existent dust from his off white slacks. "It's where we met Larii."
At the sound of her name, Larii whipped around and bounded toward me, an exuberant smile on her face. She skidded to a stop and fell to her knees, actually knocking into Sam in her effort to hug me. Demaren caught the spoon as it flew out of my hand. A parade of images battered my mind, making me wince.
"Good to see you, too," I told her, a little breathlessly.
She leaned back, ignoring Demaren's glare. You wouldn't believe how worried we were.
"I told you not to come," I chided, but a smile spread across my lips.
Demaren snorted at the comment. A red head popped over Larii's shoulder. I smiled at Lia, her face completely taken over by large, sparkling eyes and curls.
"Hello," I said. "You're Lia?"
She became suddenly shy, and partially hid behind Larii's green arm.
"I'm Ashling," I continued as if she had responded.
"Ashling eda Dema p'saunta na fielli?" she babbled.
Like this, Larii said in my head. I looked at the green girl questioningly, wondering what she was talking about. Suddenly images were in my head, though not from Larii.
I blinked at Lia, tentatively sending out my own images. The same images presented themselves.
Ashling is Dema's wife?
I laughed with a start, shaking my head at her. I smiled at Demaren, who was looking between us with a frown.
"She calls you Dema."
Lia launched away from Larii and threw herself at Demaren, who caught her easily. He smiled at the little girl in his arms as she reached up to touch his face. A slight pang went through me as I longed to do the same thing.
"Yeah, she does," the ghost of a smile lingered on his lips as he turned back and handed me the spoon.
I took it and looked back down at the bowl in my lap. It was almost done, and I was more than full. Stalling so Demaren wouldn't chide me for not finishing, I glanced at Samil. He was trying to covertly stare at Larii who was making faces at Lia.
"Lia!" I heard a woman call from the stairwell.
The child shrieked and kicked out of Demaren's arms to wriggled between his back and the side of the deck.
A beautiful woman came up the steps, looking around. She caught sight of the little group huddled around me and smiled.
"Jeron, come here," she called down the stairs before coming over.
She was wearing white and blue striped skirts, bringing out the flame of her hair.
"I'm Jain," she said, kneeling beside me and surprising me with a hug.
My arms closed around her automatically. She felt warm and substantial, like how a mother should feel.
"I'm Ashling," I told her, when she pulled away, though she left one hand on mine.
"It's so nice to finally meet you," she said sincerely.
"Or at least to see you in person," said a gravely voice.
I looked up to see a scruffy, sturdy man behind Jain with his arms across his chest.
"Hello, Jeron," I said, looking at him from beneath my eyelashes. His eyes were piercing, though not unkind.
"Nice to see you know how to be awake," he said.
"It's nice to be awake," I said, stifling a yawn. My back had begun to ache where I sat and my eyelids felt heavy though I kept them wide open.
Jeron's eyes flashed a moment, taking in every detail of me. "Are you still tired?"
I thought about lying, but somehow knew he would call me on it. I nodded, hesitantly.
"Then you should sleep," he stated. He looked at the group around me, "Get below deck or into the sea. Either way, be quiet and let the girl rest."
Everyone moved. Lia made to evade her mother, but Jain was fast. She caught the girl around the middle and hoisted her into her arms. Samil took the bowl from me with a smile and lead Larii away down the stairs. Demaren went to leave, too, but I caught hold of his hand.
"Will you stay?" I asked, looking at him.
He hesitated and my heart beat a funny rhythm. The avery--Ponce--who had not left, made swishing sound through his circled mouth.
"You stay up here, boy," said Jeron, though it didn't sound like a suggestion.
I let go of Demaren's hand. "He doesn't have to," I said.
My hands began arranging the blanket on top of me so I wouldn't have to look at him.
Jeron looked down at me and smiled. "He takes up too much room," he said, glancing at Demaren then back to me, "and could use a distraction, girlie."
Walking away, Jeron gave Demaren a hefty push on the shoulder so he would sit down. When he was gone I looked at Demaren again, fiddling with the blanket between my fingers.
"You don't have to stay."
"It's fine," he said, looking to the side toward Ponce. I wondered if they were talking. He turned back to me. "Go to sleep."
I fidgeted with the blanket some more, biting my lower lip. A chuckle passed Demaren's lips and he reached out to pluck the material from my hands. He gently pressed a hand to my shoulder and I, feeling more tired by the moment, couldn't resist. He pulled the blanket up around my chin and as he moved back I snatched hold of his wrist.
"I didn't get to finish telling you," I said, biting the inside of my cheek to stay awake.
"Telling me what?" he asked quietly. I thought he could tell that I was tired, his voice was soothing as if he spoke to a resistant child.
"What else I remember," I said, dissecting his face for the tiniest expression.
"Oh," he blinked at me, seeming genuinely surprised. "Well you can tell me when you wake up..."
I shook my head obstinately. Sleepiness, or lack there of, was making me brave.
Demaren sighed and leaned back, but still holding my hand. "Okay, what do you remember?"
"W-well," I hesitated, looking away. "I remember at night, before the City, I couldn't sleep," I snuck a glance at him. He was looking at me incredulously. "I found that I can't really sleep with out you..."
A small noise came from Demaren's throat, but he covered it with a cough and resumed a passive expression. "Hmm."
I was losing courage fast, maybe this hadn't been the best idea, but I plowed on anyway.
"And, well, I don't really remember anything from being in the white room, but I think remember when you saved me. I remember feeling so happy. I remember I just wanted to--but I was so tired. And then a lot after that is dreams, or I think it might be dreams. But I kept having the same sort of dream over and over, and I wanted it to be real. I wanted it to be real more than anything else. I would have gladly stayed there in trade for it..."
I realized I was blabbering, as I usually did when I got nervous, and tapered off. Taking a deep breath I look at Demaren. His face was scrunched up in confusion.
"I don't think I understand a word you just said."
A strangled laugh escaped me, and something clogged my throat while tears stung the backs of my eyes. I had come this far, hadn't I?
"The simple truth, Demaren, is that I missed you," I said, feeling a single tear roll down my cheek. Demaren now wore a concerned expression. "I missed you so much that it hurt. The only thing I wanted was to see you, to touch you. It was your arms I wanted to feel around me when they k-killed Jamis--" I choked a little at the thought of the slave boy. I hadn't even gotten the chance to mourn him. I took a steadying breath. "You don't have to say anything if you don't feel the same. And I could see why you wouldn't. But I would rather only kiss you in my dreams than kiss anyone else in real life."
I stopped and took a shuddering breath, blinking my eyes to clear them. I hadn't meant to start crying, though somewhere along the way I had. I bit the inside of my cheek. Steeling myself for the let down, I made my eyes rise to meet Demaren. He had the same expression as a fish on ice.
Immediately fearing the worst, I started to backpedal.
"I-I'm sorry! Just forget I--!"
My voice was cut off by Demaren's large hand pressing over my mouth. His hand was shaking over my lips and I gulped back the doom I felt rising in my stomach, sure that I had made him angry.
He spoke in a whisper, and I had to reach up and take his hand away from my mouth so I could sit up on my elbows to hear.
"...I was so lost without you. Nights were the worst. I didn't have you in my arms," his voice got a little stronger, though his eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I needed you every moment!"
His hand pulled from mine and reached up to grab his hair.
"Thinking you could have been dead was too much to handle. I..." his head dropped to his chest and his arms to his knees.
I could see several glistening tears fall between his legs. My heart twisted to see him in such distress. I reached out a hand tentatively as his head snapped up so that his eyes could bore into mine with the intensity of gold lightning. He snatched my hand to his face, pressing it close, his eyes never leaving mine. I brushed away the last tear left on his cheek with my thumb.
"Losing you was like having my soul taken away. I lived and breathed and moved. I even laughed. But everything felt empty and fleeting. I couldn't connect to the moment I was in. I thought of you always." The muscle in his perfect jaw tightened. "I am nothing without you." He hesitated. "You say you would rather kiss me in your dreams... than not at all?"
I nodded. For once I was at a loss for words. It felt like I would break the spell that made Demaren say all these words if I were to speak. The hand that pressed my fingers to his face traced down my arm, a wicked smile spreading across his face.
"Ouch!" I complained. Demaren had pinched me.
I looked back at him reproachfully, catching the softest expression come over his features. Then a smirk tightened the muscles in his lips and smoothed out his face.
"I want there to be no doubt in your mind that you are awake," he said, leaning toward me.
My eyes widened as Demaren grasped my shoulders, the hand that had been touching his face fell easily to the back of his neck, and leaned onto his knees to pull me to him. He pressed me to his chest for a moment and I could hear his heart beat. I wondered if mine was going as fast. Then he leaned back a little and tilted my chin to reach his lips to mine. My eyes fell closed. He tasted of sweet, clear water.
Somehow my other arm found it's way up so I could touch Demaren's face, the hand at the back of his neck reaching higher to grip his hair. One of his hands encompassed the back of my head, the other pressing me to him at the small of my back. His lips moved and parted mine.
Dizzily, I gasped for air. My fingers convulsed weakly in his hair. I felt Demaren smile under my lips. His hold on me loosened, though firm. Which was fortunate because I sagged and swayed a little both from the kiss and from tiredness. This was the first real movement I had attempted in weeks, and I would have gladly repeated it all for the same event, but it left me feeling exhausted and thrilled at the same time.
Demaren eased me back onto the pallet, bracing one arm to the side of my head so he could stroke my face and brush his thumb over my lips. I wanted to touch his face, too, but couldn't seem to find my arms. My eyelids seemed to be drawn together like magnets and I was not capable of fighting them anymore.
"Goodnight," he whispered as my eyes fully closed, only to snap open as I realized he had risen.
I clutched at his pant leg. "I told you," I frowned disapprovingly up at him, "I can't sleep without you."
Demaren chuckled and stretched out his wings before coming back down and laying out next to me.
"Wouldn't matter if you could, I refuse to sleep without you," he said, his voice a grumble in his chest.
He rested an arm over me, and I turned to snuggle in close. I felt Demaren lightly kiss the top of my head then press his face into my hair. His other wing came over us both and we slept.

------

The next few weeks past in a pleasant blur. Lia would sit with me, playing hand games in her native language. Larii did tricks to make the child laugh, pretending to fall and tumbling to a stop. Samil and Larii seemed to always be in orbit around each other, though Larii hardly noticed it. Ponce watched and tolerated all of Lia's prodding and bumping with dignity. I started to become fond of him, though I couldn't hear him talk the way Demaren could. When they had their silent conversations, I got a taste of what traveling with Larii and me in the forest.
When I wasn't too tired, I went below deck to visit Friend. He didn't seem to mind the lower deck. He had a window to stick his head out and breathe the sea air. I patted his neck, leaning my forehead against his.
"I missed you," I told him. He whickered softly.
Jain and Jeron were more than accommodating. By the time I was up and walking around, Jain had a new wardrobe made up for me. Several skirts of different colors and linen tunics over light camisoles were made to fit me perfectly. She made me try them on several times and parade them around.
"You see? Burgundy is her color," she declared, practically shoving me under Demaren's nose. (Not that it was hard, I only came up to his chest.)
He craned his neck down at me as Jain had thrown me against his frame. He smiled wickedly.
"I like the cut of her... shirt."
My mouth fell open before hastily back stepping to cross my arms over my chest.
"Ruffian!" I accused, my cheeks flaming. I could hear Jeron crowing with laughter from the crow's nest.
"Ruffian?" he said, an eye brow raising. He leaned in to bring an arm around my shoulders. "Do you want me to... 'ruff' you up?"
Two fingers slipped under the strap of the camisole as though he might pull it down. I smacked his hand away.
"Jain? Where is the extra fabric? I wish to make myself look like a tent."
Ha! You look cute no matter what you wear! teased Larii.
I turned on her, hands on my hips. "Hush, you!"
Demaren laughed. I glared daggers at Ponce, knowing he had told Demaren what I said. He sat innocently staring off into the sky. I threw up my hands in defeat.
The weather steadily became colder. Soon I could see my breath even in the noon day's sun. We were headed toward Grayman.
I heard Demaren and Jeron talking one night before we had set a course. I had come up the stairs from the warmer, lower deck after helping to put Lia to bed. I halted on the first landing, listening to Jeron's urgent voice.
"...too far inland for me to help you, boy."
"I can fly us there, it's fine."
"I ain't keeping your crazy animals on my boat!"
"What do you want me to do!?"
"Why are you going to Grayman at all?"
"I told you, I need to find out what happened to my mother! Stars above, Jeron!"
"You shouldn't go at all, boy. It won't end well for you. There's something real bad there for you. Go back to your people. Take Ashling, and go back. Live there."
"Jeron... I have to find my mother. What if she's there and alive?"
"Oh, come on now, boy, you don't believe she's alive! You want to go get some revenge for her and your dad!"
"Oh, so what! What if I am! Don't they deserve it? My dad is probably dead, too!"
"How many times do you need me to say this, boy? If you go there, you won't come back!"
There was silence, and Demaren's response was quiet and angry.
"You been looking at my shadow again?"
"You've got such a big one, it's hard to miss!"
"Hell, Jeron, I'm going! You could at least help me!"
"You should leave Larii here, then. There's something in her shadow that doesn't sit well."
"I'll talk to her."
There was another bout of quiet.
"Don't go boy. Please. Don't put everyone through this. I swear to you, it's a mistake. Think of Ashling..."
"I am! I always do. But how can I live without knowing? I would follow her where she went, and now she's willing to come with me... I would leave her in safety with you, but I'm afraid to put her from my sight again."
"If you go, you'll put her through more than you suffered this past month. So much more."
A loud crack sounded, followed by a dull thud and a slew of cursing. I covered my mouth Demaren must have punched Jeron.
"Don't say that! I don't ever EVER want to hear that!"
Footsteps echoed just above me toward the stairs. I back down the hastily, being as quiet as I could.
"Wait, Demaren." I heard Jeron sigh. "I can maneuver the dingy to a safe shore."
"You're so willing now?"
"I ain't gonna let you stick me with your critters and an angry green woman!"
Demaren laughed.
Straightening up, I made some noise coming up the steps and all fell quiet. I smiled at the men as I cleared the steps.
"Lia's asleep," I said.
Demaren rubbed a hand through his hair. I walked over, pretending to be surprised by a red mark on Jeron's cheek.
"What happened?" I asked, reaching up to turn his chin to the side so I could look at it better. Jeron lightly swatted my hands away.
"Dont' worry yourself with me, girlie," he said, patting my head as he walked away. I caught the loaded glance he flicked at Demaren before heading down stairs.
I turned to Demaren, my eyebrow's raised, hands clasped behind my back. "Everything alright?"
"Of course," he assured me, leaning down to kiss me on the cheek. His lips were cold. "Jeron and I just disagreed on a couple of points. Nothing to worry about, though."
I smiled as though I believed him, and took hold of his hand.
"Come on. Jain's making hot cider. It's too cold up here, even for you!"
He smiled in return and I tugged him to the stairs. Larii, Demaren, Jain, and Samil sat around the table. Jeron, it seemed, had gone to bed. We sat and drank cider, Jain, Samil, and Demaren telling stories. Ponce walked through on his way to visit with Friend, whom he called 'Kero,' Demaren had said.
Sipping my cider, I watched Demaren from under my eyelashes. He seemed in good humor, not at all like he just had a fight. I twiddled with the scarf around my neck. Even down below deck, it was chilly.
Demaren caught my eye in the middle of Samil's anecdote and winked at me. I smiled back. I knew that I would follow him to the ends of the earth. Jeron was not often wrong, but I didn't have much choice in the matter. I wouldn't be left behind and Demaren wouldn't be swayed from his task. If something went wrong, we would figure out a way to fix it. Changing fate couldn't be that hard.
Reaching for the cider, Larii passed the pitcher around to fill our glasses again. Samil raised his and made us all clink glasses in what he called a 'toast.'
"It's for celebrating," he clarified when I looked at him quizzically.
I shrugged and happily tipped my cup back.