I won't let you

I watched Demaren fly away, so high into the stratosphere that he wouldn't have been perceptible even in daylight. Friend had broken into a gallop, following in Demaren's wake.
The tears didn't wait until he was out of sight. As soon as Demaren's figure, though dark and frightening at the moment, was gone, my eyes were obstructed with tears faster than they could roll down my cheeks. I pulled my legs up as I leaned back into the saddle back, hugging my knees to my chest and pressing my forehead to my knees.
"G-go to sleep?" I asked the empty darkness, laughing with a bit of hysteria. I would not sleep tonight. For all I knew I would never sleep again.
Friend made concerned, comforting noises over his shoulder at me.
"He's angry," I whispered to the hop.
Friend gave a sort of snorting huff, as if he was denying Demaren's blatant fury.
"Yes he is!" I shouted back, looking up so that the tears spilled out behind me as Friend sped forward. "He's more than angry. He's livid! Did you see his face? Did you see the way he looked at me? He hates me! I wouldn't be surprised if he left!"
I buried face in my hands. Friend made soft, throaty noises.
"Do you know what's worse?" I asked him, sniffling through the shield of my knees. "I knew this would happen. I knew that when he found out about this"--I glanced hatefully at the brand on my hand--"he'd be beyond disgusted. I knew it and I still let myself befriend him."
That was probably what hurt the most. Over the past week, with everything else that had happened, I had gotten comfortable in Demaren's presence. We had fallen into an easy friendship, the same way Friend and I had. The thought of leaving things like the like this cut into my chest.
My eyes lifted to the skies, hoping to see the dark figure of Demarenn coming to land beside me in the night. The only thing I could see were the stars, gleaming cold and lonely in the sky. Suddenly I thought of Berrik and I clapped a hand over my mouth, only to release it as my right shoulder gave a throb.
"D-did I really call Demaren Berrik?" I whispered.
Friend reluctantly snorted an ascent.
I muttered to the gods. "Strike me."
I found myself wishing, not for the first time, that Grandmother had ordered my execution. The entire council had witnessed only the surface of the power that lay within me, and deemed me too hazardous to stay in Gaea. As I thought of Berrik lying in my arms, I wondered if I was too dangerous for Demaren as well. What if he had gotten hurt when fighting off the gypsy bounty hunters tonight? My throat closed at the very thought.
Maybe it was good, then, that Demaren had found out about me. Maybe he would leave me to my fate and be out of danger. Maybe he would hate me so much now that it would make it easier to let him go...
My thoughts continued along the same circuitous paths until dawn touched the sky with red and orange colors. We were still close to the ocean, though I couldn't see it directly as we entered a hilly area. My head and shoulder ached fiercely and I noticed in the growing light that Friend was all but foaming at the mouth. I raked my tired eyes over the sky and, finding no sign of Demaren, pulled up on the reigns to bring the hop to a stop.
"He'll find us. If he wants to," I said to Friend when he looked back at me as I slid off the saddle. He was too tired to argue with my choice of wording.
Some kind gypsy had thrown a satchel over Friend's back and I pulled it off to inspect. The fist thing I noticed was a large water sack. I brought it around to Friend and poured some into my hands, he slurped it all up and proceeded to lick the tear stains off my cheeks. I tried to smile for him, but I think I only managed a grimace. He butted me with his nose. Taking a sip of the water sack, I lead Friend up another hill and sat down to wait for Demaren. I could see a little glimmer of the ocean with the sun behind me. Friend sat beside me and leaned a little into my side for comfort. I hugged him round the neck, hoping and fearing that Demaren would come.
We didn't have long to wait.
He touched down with a little more force than usual and I gulped, wondering if it was a sign that his anger still boiled. I left my good arm around Friend for support and let my other stay limp at my side. I could see clearly where the bandits had struck the match against my skin, and I turned that side away from Demaren. I didn't want to anger him further.
He didn't look at me right away, as usual, only sat down cross legged as he breathed deeply. A light sheen of sweat glistened off his skin. When he turned his eyes to me I almost flinched, they were dark and brooding.
"Friend was tired," I said, starting to talk in nervousness. "H-he needed to rest. Are you tired? You could rest, too. Um. About last night? I-I'm really very s-sorry. Is your hand okay? When you punched that gypsy..."
I bit back my words as he looked at me. I wasn't sure if he was going laugh at me or start shouting again, I gripped Friend's mane in my left hand. Tears were threatening, but I swallowed them down. Crying was no good and with every word I spoke Demaren's eyes took on a strange look that I didn't recognize. So I simply bit my lip and looked at the ground.
Demaren looked the hand in question. "I think it's fine... I think I killed that guy, though."
He said it so casually it took me a second to decipher his words and I blinked, startled. Demaren frowned at me.
"I probably shouldn't have said that."
"W-why not?" I asked, not thinking.
"Because I don't want you to be afraid of me," he said blatantly.
My heart caught in my throat and I blinked away some tears. "I could never be afraid of you."
He sat for a moment, looking down, then ran a hand through his hair. "Anyway..."
I decided then to tell him. "You should be afraid of me."
"Because you are oh so very dangerous?" he asked skeptically.
I bit my lip and talked through my teeth. "I'm from Gaea. When something happens between people, when something cannot be resolved, there is a trial. I was on trial. For killing over thirty people in a caravan. Including my brother, Berrik."
Tears dripped down my face, and I looked at the ground as I talked. But my voice was steady. It was like I wasn't really talking, someone else was. Demaren was beside me then, on my right, putting his arm around my shoulders lightly.
"What ever you did, I doubt you did it intentionally. Especially if it involves your brother," he said mildly.
I shook my head. "We were traveling to the Spurt in Guarda, on the west side of Gaea. We were attacked by the Eyrnese. Somehow they got past the razor sands in huge metal boats that moved across the sands. I had never seen anything like them. They had different weapons, too. Ones that drove little pellets into people, mostly killing them instantly. One of these things hit my brother, he died in my arms..."
I stopped my story for a second, taking a breath to steady myself. Stupid tears.
"Did you tell them this?"
"After I remembered," I nodded. "In the weeks that followed when they brought me to the Spurt I didn't remeber anything. Not even the fact that I had a brother."
Demaren glanced at me, surprised. I plowed on before he spoke.
"When my brother died, as the Erynese soldiers dragged me away from his corpse, I--um, watch," I said, shrugging out from under his arm. I stood up and faced the sun, which had been at our backs. I looked at Demaren, "This may sound strange, but if I start to explode, please knock me unconscious."
He looked at me like I was crazy, "O-okay..."
I looked at the sun and closed my eyes, my palms turned out slightly. The sun was so warm on my clamy skin. It felt nice. I tried grabbing hold of the emotion that filled me that day in the desert. The sick, twisting anger and absolute despair that had overwhelmed me and spilled out my skin. Even from behind my eyelids it was like the sun was shining suddenly brighter. I felt a fire in my veins trying to leak out my pores, fighting to spill and wash over my skin. My breathing sped up as I tried to control it. It burned at my throat from inside my lungs. With an effort, I tried to quell the burning inside me, white hot as melted metal. I thought I might lose it...
Demaren was in front of me, pressing his forehead to mine.
"Come back," he whispered, his breath cooling my face.
All the energy inside me collapsed, along with my body. Demaren caught me and eased us to the ground. He chuckled.
"I really didn't want to knock you out," he said.
I gave a strangled laugh, covering my face with my hands. My body was so tired. "That's what happened in the desert. There were no Erynese left to be found, which was why the council had such a hard time believing me."
"So, you destroyed even their metal boats?" he asked, letting me lean into his shoulder.
"Nothing was found," I replied.
"I guess I can see the point of view they're coming from, but how did you become a slave?" he asked gently.
My eyes wheld up again. "They brought my grandmother, from Velt, to the trial. Since there was no evidence of Erynese they found me guilty, though they knew I was telling the truth. They gave her the choice, either have me executed or sold into slavery. You know the answer."
I held out my hand between us, tracing the healing scar with my finger tips. A hand large enough to cover both of mine covered the mark.
"You're not a slave now. I don't care what any burn says," he murmured.
"No, I'm not," I replied, smiling sadly, "but I am still responsible. I am a murderer, even if it is against my will. So what I say next, please know that it is to keep that from happening again."
I looked up into his light golden eyes, which narrowed suspiciously.
"You're not getting away from me," he said with finality.
"It would be safer for you," I said. "You and Friend--"
Friend all but jumped to his feet, baying angrily and trotted around like he was pacing.
Demaren laughed a little. "You misunderstand. You can runaway from me-us-"he ammended when Friend barked at him, "but I will get you back."
Tears spilled over my eyes in large droplets.
"Please," I whispered, begging him with my eyes. "I don't want to hurt you. It could be by complete accident, and-and you would be..."
I choked on the words, only sobs breaking over my lips.
Demaren's arms held me close suddenly, and I gripped him around his middle. Pressing myself to him like a child. He bent his head down over mine, his words reverberating into my head as he spoke.
"...I wont let you kill me," he said.
I sighed into his skin, completely drained from crying for so long. His skin smelled sweet, like sugar. Gradually, my tears stopped, and though I didn't mean to I fell asleep in his arms that's exactly what I did.